This newsletter is specific to rejected playwriting project proposals, but is absolutely universal and incredibly relatable. It should be helpful for ANYONE dealing with ANY rejection!!!!
Go straight to bed no matter what time it is and tell yourself all things seem better in the morning
Spend the next 4 hours tossing and turning because you know when you’re lying and you were LYING dammit it’s not gonna seem better in the morning at all
Eat something cold out of the fridge. Best if it should be prepared with other ingredients in some way like shredded cheese or a slice of cold bread (I think most people don’t keep bread in the fridge but the kind that won’t murder my body molds easily)
Tell everyone who gives you a comforting glance or word “it is what it is” and you “knew the whole time it was gonna be a no” so “it’s not a surprise or big deal at ALL”
Ask yourself why you keep rejecting people who just want to make sure you’re okay, does this have something to do with your mother
Write a self-pitying newsletter about it
Write a self-pitying newsletter about your mother
Write a self-pitying Instastory barely masquerading as a humorous Instastory about it
Wonder if the project you pitched would already be written if you had worked on that instead of self-pitying posts
Smoke at 9 in the morning and immediately regret it
Buy yourself some new clothes you definitely don’t need because maybe they’ll make you look more like a writer
Borrow two pleasant and empathetic pups to lay across your lap and beside you while you stare blankly at an Australian dessert competition waiting to come down from the high
Decide that creating a matchbox size cake with 8 different layers of vanilla (chantilly, macaron, ganache, brûlée, etc etc etc) is definitely easier than writing a play, maybe even a project proposal, and also probably a game
Decide to become a baking show contestant
Remember you have celiac disease and all these desserts use flour and also sometimes malt and occasionally, for fuck knows why, rye
Start a power ranking of the people you’d bring with you as taste testers
Begin googling - has there been a celiac contestant on any of these (there’s two people on “Sugar Rush” and someone on “Chopped” at the very least)? what kind of person is the celebrity judge on this show (someone who doesn’t pay his taxes and underpays his employees, it seems)? how much do chef jackets cost (I found some for 9.99)? is there a “how to win a baking competition” book (not that I can find, but there are dessert contest tips articles and tasting your dish is apparently essential)? what was the first baking show competition on tv (this was too difficult to determine, especially if I’m making sure to not just settle on the first American show)?
Begin wondering if this is a play
Determine this is a play and add it to the list
Add it to the potential game list too, just in case
Email header image description: a still from the video game Kentucky Route Zero. An animated woman with grey hair and large glasses but no discernible face sits at a desk, leaning on her hand, and staring at a letter. She wears an orange sweater, white button up, and blue tie. In a box above her the text of the letter appears:
“ATTN: Lula Chamberlain, RE: Your application.
Thank you for your application to the Gaston Trust for Imagined Architecture’s annual fellowship. We received a record number of applications this year - over 100 in total - and regrettably we can only reward o”
Final image description: a black and white dog and a yellow and white dog sleep on a couch. The black and white dog lies across a person’s lap. The person wears black sweat pants and hoodie.
Britt A Willis writes this newsletter and is a playwright, game writer, and designer in Washington, DC. You can find out more about their work at brittawillis.com or follow them on Twitter @feelingfickle.